my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
