If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
