someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
