Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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