is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
