piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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