i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
