I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
