if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
