He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
