Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
