I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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