dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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