The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
