Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
