My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
