I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize