Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The beer is more important than you right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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