That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
