I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
