Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
