I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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