I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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