Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
