Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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