i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
