Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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