How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
