oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
