i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
