i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
