he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
