he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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