that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
