All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
