Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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