Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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