There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
