remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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