I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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