I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize