Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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