Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
