I'm gonna have a badass scar
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize