if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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