Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
