i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
