i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
