I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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