my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
