You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
