I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
