she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize