Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
