I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize