We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
