I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize