True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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