so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
