I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
