the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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