I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
