Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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