The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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