he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
