atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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