I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize