so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
