I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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