guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
