at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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