That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
