i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize