you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
