Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
