Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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