I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
