Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
