Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize