Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
